InsaneJournal

There are two kinds of sexual fantasies – things you really want to try someday and the things that really turn you on to think about, but you know would never work for you in real life.

The first one is pretty straightforward. It may turn out that you don’t actually like it when you try it, but you know there is a good chance that you will.

The second kind of fantasy seems to be difficult for some people to grasp. On the surface, I guess it does sound a little strange to enjoy imagining something that you would never enjoy doing in real life. If you give it just a little thought, though, it’s not so strange at all. In fact, most people engage in this type of fantasy regularly when they watch movies or read books, but for some reason they have a hard time translating the concept to a sexual fantasy.

Horror movies are the most obvious example. Horror fans aren’t ashamed of enjoying watching people get killed in all sorts of violent and gruesome ways, and there is no question that in real life they would not actually do that to someone nor would they enjoy being the victim. While there are few rare people out there that truly think that horror fans are sick, twisted, and actually capable of such things, most people do not believe that.

To bring it a little closer to home, let’s go with something more realistic. I’m thinking of the movie Falling Down. If you’ve watched the movie there was at least one scene, if not several, that made you cheer and say, “Yes! I have always wanted to do that!” with full sincerity. The difference between the fantasy and the reality is very subtle, yet there is a big difference. You don’t bother analyzing the difference, you just know it’s there, and you never actually do those things. You don’t question whether you’re some kind of fucked up individual for wanting to, you know most people have that same fantasy and they would never do it either (although if they did the downward spiral in customer service might start to reverse).

So, why is it so difficult for people to accept this reasoning when it comes to sexual fantasies? They are nothing more than mind movies. They are safe. Safe for you and safe for everyone else. There are no consequences. None of the complexity of real life, such as emotional fallout or physical pain. You can enjoy all of the emotions you choose to conjure up and experience because you know that you are in control and nothing bad will come of it. When it’s over, it’s just like it never happened – because it didn’t. In the meantime, you can let go and enjoy the ride.

Analyzing the ins and outs of why people have certain fantasies is all fine and good. It’s fascinating, actually, and can be very enlightening. Hopefully, one day it will yield some results that lift the stigma on sexual fantasies. Unfortunately, most people seem to only go so far as to condemn themselves or others for “unacceptable” fantasies. Rather than simply accepting the fantasy as nothing more than a mind movie, they need some scientific explanation to justify it, to prove that a fantasy doesn’t make you a bad person ready to be unleashed at any moment.

It seems that we can accept any kind of fantasy as long as no sexual arousal is involved. Whether it’s horror or simply a story about someone cheating on their spouse, it’s just a fun story to enjoy until someone gets turned on. Then the guilt or judgments start to roll. These judgments translate to a long list of rules for writers if you call your work erotic fiction. In turn, these rules can scrub out authenticity, turning what could have been a good story into something that just doesn’t ring true. Or they can scare writers off altogether.