InsaneJournal

Valentine’s Day Again

Valentine’s Day is here again. I’m not complaining. I like the holiday, but it used to be something I anticipated with a lot of stress. This year is different. For my boyfriend and me, it will be our third Valentine’s Day together. This year I didn’t even try to make plans. In fact, we didn’t discuss it until last night, and what we decided was not to make plans. We will probably cook some steaks, if we feel like it. Other than that we will just go with whatever the day has to offer. That may sound lack luster on the surface, but it’s actually quite promising.

In years past Valentine’s Day was always a mixture of intense planning, anticipation, stress, and disappointment. I always tried to do something really special for whoever I was with. It had to be unique, personalized, and really convey my feelings for them. This would launch me into ridiculously difficult projects and often trying to get them to participate in things they just did not care to do.

I secretly harbored the hope that they were also planning something really special for me. I wasn’t looking for expensive gifts. I would have been perfectly happy with something as simple as dedicating some time to seduction. I just wanted any meaningful display of their deep feelings for me. I didn’t actually expect it, especially since I’ve never been the kind of woman who really goes for wasteful, token, girly gifts, but I always felt the pangs of disappointment when it just didn’t seem to matter. To me that translated to absolutely no interest in taking the opportunity to show me that I mattered. Maybe I overcompensated in the hopes that they would get a clue and reciprocate. Usually my efforts seemed to confuse and annoy the men I was with more than anything.

Either way, I always thought that it was supposed to be mutual. Somehow the idea of mutual actually made it make sense to me that I would put forth more effort. Guys are supposed to suck at that sort of thing, right? Did I mention that I have had the same problem with anniversaries?

Then my current boyfriend came along. He was shocked that I felt the need to do anything for him on Valentine’s Day. He said that he always thought it was really for the woman, and that basically it was the man’s job to come up with something nice for her. Wow!

Last year I ordered special cookbooks ahead of time and planned a whole day of cooking together. It was supposed to be a way to spend some time together (he has asked me to teach him to cook), and the foods were all supposed to be aphrodisiac in nature. It was a nice day and we enjoyed the food, but I think all the kitchen work distracted from our ability to just relax and enjoy the day together.

What was really spectacular, though, was what he did last year. He took me to the florist so I could pick out whatever I wanted. That may not sound so special on the surface, but it was really great for a few reasons.

One, he thought of it and planned it all on his own. It was the first thing we did that day and it came as a total surprise. Second, he told me that his original plan was to get up before I did and sneak out to get me some flowers, but he didn’t think that would work, and he thought it would be nicer if I got to choose whatever I liked the best. Third, it was also his idea for us to walk rather than drive because I like going for walks in the snow. So, it turned into more than just a gift of flowers, but something nice for us to do together.

So, this year our plan to not make plans means we have the whole day to do whatever comes up. No stress, no obligations, no bullshit. Just the promise to spend the day together enjoying whatever we feel like whenever we feel like it.