Luna Orignaux

There are two kinds of sexual fantasies – things you really want to try someday and the things that really turn you on to think about, but you know would never work for you in real life.

 

The first one is pretty straightforward. It may turn out that you don’t actually like it when you try it, but you know there is a good chance that you will.

 

The second kind of fantasy seems to be difficult for some people to grasp. On the surface, I guess it does sound a little strange to enjoy imagining something that you would never enjoy doing in real life. If you give it just a little thought, though, it’s not so strange at all. In fact, most people engage in this type of fantasy regularly when they watch movies or read books, but for some reason they have a hard time translating the concept to a sexual fantasy.

 

Horror movies are the most obvious example. Horror fans aren’t ashamed of enjoying watching people get killed in all sorts of violent and gruesome ways, and there is no question that in real life they would not actually do that to someone nor would they enjoy being the victim. While there are few rare people out there that truly think that horror fans are sick, twisted, and actually capable of such things, most people do not believe that.

 

To bring it a little closer to home, let’s go with something more realistic. I’m thinking of the movie Falling Down. If you’ve watched the movie there was at least one scene, if not several, that made you cheer and say, “Yes! I have always wanted to do that!” with full sincerity. The difference between the fantasy and the reality is very subtle, yet there is a big difference. You don’t bother analyzing the difference, you just know it’s there, and you never actually do those things. You don’t question whether you’re some kind of fucked up individual for wanting to, you know most people have that same fantasy and they would never do it either (although if they did the downward spiral in customer service might start to reverse).

 

So, why is it so difficult for people to accept this reasoning when it comes to sexual fantasies? They are nothing more than mind movies. They are safe. Safe for you and safe for everyone else. There are no consequences. None of the complexity of real life, such as emotional fallout or physical pain. You can enjoy all of the emotions you choose to conjure up and experience because you know that you are in control and nothing bad will come of it. When it’s over, it’s just like it never happened – because it didn’t. In the meantime, you can let go and enjoy the ride.

 

Analyzing the ins and outs of why people have certain fantasies is all fine and good. It’s fascinating, actually, and can be very enlightening. Hopefully, one day it will yield some results that lift the stigma on sexual fantasies. Unfortunately, most people seem to only go so far as to condemn themselves or others for “unacceptable” fantasies. Rather than simply accepting the fantasy as nothing more than a mind movie, they need some scientific explanation to justify it, to prove that a fantasy doesn’t make you a bad person ready to be unleashed at any moment.

 

It seems that we can accept any kind of fantasy as long as no sexual arousal is involved. Whether it’s horror or simply a story about someone cheating on their spouse, it’s just a fun story to enjoy until someone gets turned on. Then the guilt or judgments start to roll. These judgments translate to a long list of rules for writers if you call your work erotic fiction. In turn, these rules can scrub out authenticity, turning what could have been a good story into something that just doesn’t ring true. Or they can scare writers off altogether.

Image by Eric Traore

Pleasurists is your round-up of the adult product reviews that came out in the last seven days from bloggers all around the sex blogosphere. Did you miss Pleasurists #12? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #14? Submit it here before Sunday February 1st at 11:59pm PST. Please re-post this list on your own blog if listed.

Want to win some free swag? All you’ve got to do is enter.

• Swag Contest: Isis! Deadline: Wednesday January 28th at 11:59pm.


• 4th Blog-iversary Trivia Contest Deadline: January 31st at 11:59pm.


• Win a Hot New Sex Toy! Deadline: February 1st.


• The Cherries are Sexy Valentine’s Day Giveaway! Deadline: Valentine’s Day, February 14th, 2009.

On to the reviews…

Editor’s Pick

• Maui Silicone Anal Beads by Kyle



The words “anal beads” cause my internal 14 year old boy to giggle nervously and worry about the potential tenting in his jeans. My slightly more mature self smiles appreciatively with no less potential for tenting. I’m a fan of buttsex…

Madame Editrix

Scarlet Lotus Sexgeek

Vibrators

• Petite Pink Ribbon by Adriana


• My Secret Vibe by Jezebelle


• Rabbit Pearl & Decadent Indulgence by The Hot Movies For Her Sex Toy Crew


• Orchid G by Marla Singer


• Cry Baby by Holden


• Tuyo by Erin Leone


• Tuyo by Nadia West


• Bug-A-BuzzZZZZ - Best Buy Butterfly by Sienna


• Drown It - Deep Sea Pleasure by Sienna


• 7 Function Remote Egg by Luna Orignaux


• Rock Chick by Domina Doll on Viviane’s Sex Carnival


• Emotional Bliss Isis by Sexorcism


• The Liberte by Shay


• The Hitachi Magic Wand: Necessity or Nepotism? by Backseat Boohoo


• iVibe Pocket Rocket (and iLube) by The Hot Movies For Her Sex Toy Crew


• Elise by Ansley Agnello


• Mia by Essin’ Em


• Mia by Wilhelmina Wang


• Fun Factory G-Twist by Epiphora


• LELO Iris by Betty Rocket


• LELO Mia by Ellie Lumpesse


• Tuyo Vibromasseur by Betty Rocket


• Ophoria Bliss No. 7 by Bad Bad Girl


• Inner Desire Love Egg by Dangerous Lilly


• Orchid G by Roxy of Uncommon Curiosity

Dildos

• Mr. Blue Vein by Sommer Marsden


• Cherries Jubiliee by Marla Singer


• Tantus Alumina Revolve & Motion by Epiphora


• Scribble swirl G-spot wonder by Syntax


• The Curve by Wendy Blackheart


• Cherries Jubilee Glass Dildo by Domina Doll


• Tantus G-force Wand by Scarlet Lotus Sexgeek


• Silky by Bad Bad Girl

Anal Toys

• Peridise by Ansley Agnello


• Deck the Halls Butt Plug by Epiphora


• Emerald Jeweled Butt Plug by Betty Rocket

Toys for Cocks

• Robo Suck II by Nadia West


• LELO Bo by Epiphora


• Oh Man Cock Ring by Bad Bad Girl

Sex Kits

• Raspberry Kiss Kit by Essin’ Em


• Raspberry Kiss Kit by Catalina Loves

Lube/Massage Oil/Bath Stuff

• Yes! Water-based Organic Lubricant and Moisturizer by Sexorcism


• Good Clean Love Lubricant by Domina Doll


• Sun Kissed Vanilla Massage Candle by Adriana


• Afterglow Candle by Betty Rocket


• Durex Quiver Freezable Lubricant by Adriana


• ID Glide Airless Pump by Marla Singer


• O’My Blueberry Cheesecake Flavored Lube by Betty Rocket


• Shunga Chocolate Aphrodisiac Oil by Dangerous Lilly


• Babeland Massage Candles by Domina Doll on Viviane’s Sex Carnival

BDSM/Fetish

• The Hand Crop by Sommer Marsden


• Singapore Stinger II by Thursday’s Child


• Crocodile Tears for Crocodile Clamps by Thursday’s Child


• Black Large Rubber Whip by Kyle


• Think Pink - Pink Kink Kit Review by Thursday’s Child


• 1/4×20in Red Acrylic Cane by Scarlet Lotus Sexgeek


• Sting Like a Bee - The Cobra Stinger II by Thursday’s Child


• Pleasure Feather Black by Beautiful Dreamer


• Bondage Tape by Rori of Between My Sheets


• Crocodile Clamps by Alpine Subdreams


• Cupping Set by Alpine Subdreams


• Wartenberg Wheel by Panthera Pardus

Adult Books/Games

• “Enchanted again”, A book of erotic fairy tales, turned modern by Jezebelle


• Little Book of Sex by Carnivalesq


• Two Knotty Boys Showing You the Ropes by Essin’ Em


• Bondage For Sex by Dangerous Lilly


• Best Women’s Erotica 2008 by Alpine Subdreams

Adult Movies/Porn

• Lesbian Life - Real Sex San Francisco by The Porn Librarian


• Lesbian Love - Real Sex San Francisco (Scene 2) by J.D. Bauchery


• Fetish Diaries by The Porn Librarian


• Lesbian Love Vol. 2 by J.D. Bauchery


• Nina Hartley’s Guide to Threesomes - 2 Girls & a Guy by Domina Doll on Viviane’s Sex Carnival


• 32 Ways to Please Your Lover by J.D. Bauchery


• Taija - The Horny Secretary by The Porn Librarian


• Champion by Essin’ Em


• 1981’s “Bad Girls” has everyone wanting to get lost in the woods by Sacha Kinksky


• Nadia Nyce Indian Sex Goddess by Sacha Kinksky


• Pink & White’s Champion by Sinclair Sexsmith


• Nina Hartley’s Guide to Erotic Bondage by Domina Doll on Viviane’s Sex Carnival

Toy Storage

• The Sugar Sack by Wendy Blackheart


• For Your Nymphomation Sex Toy Box by Toygirl


• Devine Satchel by Carnivalesq


• Lockable Sex Toy Case by Adriana


• Devine Toy Box in Wine with Lace Overlay by Adriana


• For Your Nymphomation Big Foot by Ang

Miscellaneous

• LELO Luna Beads by Sexorcism


• Hot Heart Massager by Domina Doll


• Mrs. Meyer’s Peppermint Holiday Clean-up Kit and Hand Care Kit by Sexorcism


• Smart Balls vs. Luna Beads: Let’s get ready to ruuumblllllle! by Toygirl


• Pretty Boi Double-Strap Harness by Ansley Agnello


• Make Me Cum Clit Sensitizer by Adriana


• Gee Whiz… the Hitachi Upgrade by Sinclair Sexsmith


• Make Me Blush Harness (Part 1) by Panthera Pardus

I have been intrigued by the idea of wax play since long before I lost my virginity, but hadn’t tried it until now. I have played with candle wax since I was a kid, but never in this capacity.

If you research the subject, you will find endless information on what types of candles to use, which ones produce what temperatures, techniques, safety guidelines, what to wear and not wear when doing it, how to produce different physical and visual effects, and how to clean up. For me, it was an overwhelming amount of information and I got all wrapped up in trying to choose the right candles. Trying to weed through it and make a decision caused me to put it off for over a year after I got serious about trying it.

Then one day when I was picking out sex toys I came across a set of three Japanese Drip Candles, and decided it was time to take the plunge. It turns out that these are not right for me, as far as wax play goes, but it did give me a better idea of what to look for and as mood-setting candles go they’re great. What I need is something with a cooler wax that will pool more. Now I know.

I think these candles would work great for people looking for an inexpensive addition to their BDSM toy box, as long as you can take the heat.

On the up-side for me, these are nice looking candles with a mild, pleasant fragrance that hasn’t set off my allergies. They will get used up creating atmosphere, which is something I try to do as often as possible. State of mind can be everything, and when you can’t go all out on decorating, it’s amazing how the simple switch to some creative candlelight can transform the room and your mood.

If you know me, you’ve heard me say it before. If you keep reading my blog you will probably hear me say it again. So why now?

http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2009/01/07/porn-industry-seeks-federal-bailout/

He is asking for $5 billion of the bailout money. The request is made, for the most part, to prove a point. And that’s what I love about Larry. He has proven on many occasions that he will lay it all on the line to prove a point, but not in the sense that some people can’t give up a useless argument. Larry’s point is always something that, in the end (no pun intended) benefits us all.

Whether I agree or disagree with the finer points of his politics or anything else is truly irrelevant. He is a shining light in the battle for freedom of speech and just plain freedom of being, in a world that would have you believe such things are of little meaning compared to other issues. Yet, these are the core issues. Until more people step up to that challenge, all else is lost. Larry is one of the few who, after achieving enough monetary wealth and power to speak out, has continued to pursue the interest.

I’ll stop there for tonight, but expect to hear more from me on this soon.

The first thing I must say about this toy is that I like it! This was the first time I tried anal beads of any sort. I have tried other anal toys, butt plugs and such, and just didn’t get the pleasure from them that I did from this item. I will have to try more sex toys of this nature!

So, what sets it apart? Why do I like this better than the things I have tried in the past? To start, there is the graduated size. Now, in all fairness the other anal toys I have tried had that feature, but they were one-piece toys, starting off small and getting larger. With this, as the name Lacey’s Graduated Orgasm Balls implies, they are separate balls on one string. Three balls, each larger than the next.

Instead of just progressively stretching, you get past the widest part and have the opportunity to relax and close back down before moving on to the next, larger size. I didn’t know for sure, but as I had suspected, this worked very well for me. There was no discomfort and no feeling of trying to push the whole thing out involuntarily. Once it was in it wasn’t going to slide back out on its own, either, and that made for a much more relaxed and prolonged experience.

To get to the point, if you enjoy anal play but find things lingering in the opening uncomfortable, go with the beads.

Aside from function, I like the fact that it’s not pick or some other gaudy color. That’s always a plus.

If you are looking for a hulking ass-tearing toy, this one is probably not for you. If you are looking for some gentle, controllable anal play that can go from mild to moderate, and will actually stay in your ass while you engage in other activities, this one is perfect!

The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #157? Submit a link to your best post of the week by emailing me directly at radicalvixenatgmaildotcom Participants, repost the link list within a week and you’re all set.

This Week’s Picks
Mouth Music
“Can you feel the heat of my lips taunting you yet?”

4 a.m.
“My mouth craves skin and I dip my head to her shoulder.”

Wanting
“I want my whisper in your ear to make you shiver”

Sugasm Editor
Sex Work And Honesty: Being Too Honest

Editor’s Choice
To Richard, A Dedication. Confession #205

More Sugasm
Join the Sugasm

See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.

I should start out by saying that my experience with vibrating sex toys has been mixed, leaning toward poor. Mostly poor, but since I like the idea and have had a good experience or two with them in the past, I wanted to try again. So I chose the seven function, waterproof, remote egg.

 

It has its pros and cons, but overall I like it and I will continue to use it.

 

Normally vibrating toys are over-stimulating and uncomfortable to me. One reason an egg sounded appealing was that it would be completely on the inside. I must be unusually sensitive because when I hear other women raving about using high powered vibrators on their clits it makes me cringe. Sometimes I can’t tolerate having my clit touched at all, but deep inside is very, very good.

 

This is the second egg I have tried. The first one was very cheap, which made sense at the time. I didn’t know if I would like using an egg so why invest a lot of money in one. That was a mistake. The first egg that I tried was awful. It was painful. I think it has a short or something, because I am pretty sure it was shocking me. It was not a remote egg and I found the cord very irritating. Overall, I hated it!

 

So, back to this new egg. The seven function egg is pretty pricey as eggs go, but worth it. The difference in quality was dramatic. The texture is nice; kind of silky. It produced no unpleasant sensations. I didn’t feel like I was being electrocuted. So that was all a good start. It is fairly small, and that works out well for me, too.

 

The first time I tried it was New Year’s Eve. Since I’m normally so sensitive, I was surprised to find that I could barely feel it. I tried all the settings anyway, just to check it out, and discovered that one setting felt like bubbles rising up in my belly, much like having your stomach growl when you are very, very hungry. That was amusing, but I had obviously had too much wine to really appreciate the egg so decided to try again another time.

 

The second try, wasn’t the right night for it either, for other reasons. The third time I tried it I loved it! I decided to try it as a bit of a warm up before heading to the bedroom. It felt very nice, stimulating, but not irritating. The size was comfortable. My body was starting to relax. It was really great. And then the batteries died!

 

The batteries dying was my own fault, but also my one complaint about the egg. It comes with two sets of batteries and the instructions clearly state that you must remove them when it is not in use. I failed to do that, and I can tell you that it is absolutely necessary. It doesn’t use the regular batteries you would have around the house. It uses two different kinds – a little one for the remote and six that look like watch batteries for the egg itself. My problem with having to remove the batteries when I’m not using it is that inserting them is a bit tedious and wipes out any spontaneity. So, I suggest always keeping some spares on hand.

 

I have posted a poll on my other blog site (still haven't figured out how to post polls here).

 

I have noticed that I have different reactions to work deadlines and sex.

 

Sometimes when I’m down to the wire and know I have a long night of writing ahead of me, all I can think of is how much easier the work will flow after a good, quick fuck. Other times, I am so focused on getting the work done that there is no way I can think about sex.

 

When I finish a project, if I’ve really been pushing I can be too amped and too stressed to get in the mood, but then there are those days when I am so relieved to be finished that there seems like no better way to release all that energy than to jump right into bed (or onto the couch, or the kitchen cabinet).

 

And then there are those times when I really have a lot to do, but I can’t do it all in one stretch, so…

 

I’m curious to know how deadlines affect your libido! This poll allows for multiple answers, and if none of the answers fit you, feel free to reply in the comments.

 

 

If you are looking for an all-natural lubricant, I highly recommend trying coconut oil.

 

Coconut oil is one of the most amazing things on the planet. It has many health benefits when you cook with it, and it can work miracles on your skin and hair. Some of the many things I use it for include:

 

Massage oil

Lubricant

Moisturizer

Makeup remover

Lip balm

Hair conditioner

 

One reason coconut oil is so great for me is that I have a reaction to most scented products. Makeup removers make my eyes swell up, and most moisturizers give me a stuffy nose and sore throat. Coconut oil smells lightly of coconuts, but it’s not strong and the smell doesn’t linger. Most importantly, I have no reaction to it.

 

Years ago I tried some “edible” body paints, much to my regret. I have tried lubricants that feel OK at first, but turn sticky and wind up having the opposite of the desired effect. As a massage oil, coconut oil it is not greasy or sticky. As a lubricant it has a wonderful texture. Unlike some products that are advertised as edible, it is truly safe to eat and does not conflict with oral activities. Since it’s so good for your skin and hair there is no reason to worry about where the coconut oil winds up or having to wash it off later.

 

As a moisturizer, coconut oil can help reverse sun damage, even reducing seemingly permanent redness. Wrinkles seem to melt away with repeated use, and it helps keep your skin plumped so it doesn’t sag. It works well on eczema and dandruff, too.

 

Coconut oil is amazing stuff and it makes your skin very happy. If you decide to try it, make sure to get organic, virgin coconut oil. While it is a little pricey for a cooking oil, it is much cheaper than most skin care products and lubes, so the price balances out.

Celebrating New Year’s With New Toys

 

What could be better than starting out the New Year with good food, great company, and trying out some new sex toys?

 

We had several to choose from, and gave them all a try, but made the most use of the Super Strap Super Sheet. It is advertised as a king sized, red, vinyl sheet. When I opened the box I was not disappointed. It was a bright, shiny red. I would have liked a deeper red or maybe black, but the color posed no problem with its functionality.

 

I’m sure that you can think of plenty of uses for a vinyl sheet. Our plan when ordering it was to protect the bed during wax play. We decided to hold off on that for another day. We normally fleece sheets in the winter. They are warm and soft and very inviting, but when combined with oiling up, the lint can really stick to you. This sheet not only solved that problem, but kept our regular bedding from getting greasy. It made for lots of slippery fun, but the sheet itself is not so slick as to prevent you from getting the needed traction. We had a good fire going, so the sheet itself was not too cold. It might not be the best choice in a chilly house.

 

We use coconut oil for lubing up. It liquefies at 76 degrees, making it easy to pour all over your body. Plus, it’s good for your skin and has a mild, pleasant coconut scent, but the smell is not overpowering. It is used for cooking, so there is no problem combining the oil and oral sex. We have been using coconut oil for a long time with great results. The Super Sheet added a wonderful new dimension to using our favorite lube/massage oil.

 

The Super Sheet is listed in the Bondage/BDSM category, and it certainly has many uses in that capacity, but the potential is not limited to BDSM activities.

 

One concern that I had was whether it would be too delicate. This is definitely not a problem. Others have recommended using a shower curtain for the same purposes, but the Super Sheet is much sturdier while still affordable.

 

If you are looking for some slippery fun or just want to protect your sheets from the wet spot, I highly recommend the Super Strap Super Sheet from SexToy.com.

 

I have never liked the idea of having any kind of chip implanted anywhere in my body. I don’t even like the strips they put in dollar bills. The idea of walking around transmitting radio signals has always seems like way too much invasion of my privacy. The idea of having a chip in my brain that can receive signals is even creepier.

 

Even so, this new chip does sound interesting. I don’t see myself signing up for it, but for people who are unable to experience pleasure it might be worth the trade off. The chip was originally created to help people with Parkinson’s disease. Now it’s being tried on a part of the brain called the orbitofrontal cortex to treat adhedonia. Anhedonia is the inability to experience pleasure, normally including pleasure from sex.

 

You can read more about the chip here http://www.telegraph.co.uk/scienceandtechnology/science/sciencenews/3886862/Sex-chip-being-developed-by-scientists.html

 

According to neurosurgery professor Tipu Aziz, "There is evidence that this chip will work. A few years ago a scientist implanted such a device into the brain of a woman with a low sex drive and turned her into a very sexually active woman. She didn't like the sudden change, so the wiring in her head was removed."

We have just passed the Winter Solstice meaning that winter is technically upon us. In my neck of the woods, winter has been here for a while, and I am thankful for that every day!

 

Winter Solstice is the day of the year when the balance tips; from here on out the days will be getting longer and the nights will be getting shorter. Personally, I like the long nights, but all is not lost. I can still look forward to many months of cool weather and the coldest days of the season are still ahead.

 

There is something that I like about every season, but winter is one I absolutely must have, and I think it could not last long enough. I have lived in the mountains for about 16 years now, and I chose to live in the mountains for many reasons, the weather being the biggest one of all.

 

I love the cold and the snow. I love having a fire and wearing warm, comfy sweaters. And boots! I love wearing boots. I particularly like all the sexy things you can hide under winter clothing. I like knowing that I am wearing that stuff and I love that I can choose to wear warm stuff on top that either hides it all for a big surprise or reveals those bits to entice.

 

The smells of winter are the best. Wood smoke and the smell of fresh snow. The air is crisp and bracing and everything just feels and smells so good!

 

Of course, I can’t leave out the men. Winter and men mix in all the right ways. There is nothing sexier than a man chopping wood. The smell of fresh cut wood and chainsaw exhaust still just floors me. Even without the exertion, seeing a man in a flannel shirt or a cozy sweater just turns my crank. Hell, I even like to see a man in a union suit, bright red with the butt flap and everything.

 

On those really cold days you can always crawl right inside of his coat, which makes for a nice make-out session, no matter where you are. If you’re really lucky it’s a leather coat that smells good, too.

 

Then there are the walks. I have no desire to go for a walk in the summer heat, but a walk in the snow can lead to so many places. There is nothing like a nice midnight walk in two feet of snow, coming back to a warm house and ripping each other’s clothes off. But then, why wait until you get home? Long coats make a nice blanket for a quick romp in the snow, too.

I like reading about sex, new ideas, things to try, even the mechanics and chemistry of sex and arousal. I find it all very interesting and fascinating, and sometimes very useful.

 

I have also discovered that it can be very frustrating. Sometimes when I come across columns about “what women really want in bed” and I just want to scream “No! No! No!” and I hope and pray that I never wind up in bed with a man who has read and believed this stuff. I have come across the same pieces of advice so often, things that are supposed to be what really does it for women, that I have found myself wondering if there is something wrong with me, especially when I hear real women confirming this information.

 

What have I learned from this? As much as I like to read about this stuff, sometimes I have to get some distance. I think all that reading is good, and there are definitely some real gems buried in most of the things I have read, but nothing beats quieting all of that thought and just paying attention to yourself.

 

I mean really throw it all out. Don’t even let yourself think of things in terms of sexual or non-sexual. Just notice how you respond to anything and everything. This is during sex and just during your everyday life.

 

It is far too easy to try and categorize the sexual and non-sexual aspects of life. As if, we need a barrier to prevent us from getting turned on at the wrong moments, or something to keep all those sexual feelings in their place so that sex is one thing and everything else is definitely not related to sex. So you can say, “that is definitely not sexual, so it’s safe and appropriate for any situation.”

 

It’s just not true. Anything could be turning anyone on around you at any moment. A fellow grocery shopper may be turned on by the stiff print on her t-shirt rubbing against her nipples. The guy at the table next to you might be turned on by getting his fingers greasy while he eats fried chicken. Know it. Be open to it. Do not be afraid of it.

 

You could be watching a movie or driving down the road and suddenly find yourself getting turned on by the most unlikely thing. Go with it! It could be anything – a certain part of a song that comes on the radio, a color combination that you notice, or a smell.

 

In bed, you may find that the thing that really feels good wasn’t even supposed to happen – a clumsy slip of the hand that happened to brush you somewhere it wasn’t meant to, but really got your juices flowing. Go back to that, try it some more, even if it doesn’t seem like something that should be a turn on.

 

Maybe it is a position that you were just passing through to get where you were really going. Pause there! See if it works.

 

The point is – pay attention! Notice your reactions, even when they seem out of place. Don’t pass judgment, just follow that feeling. Sure, there is a chance that your partner will find it weird or get freaked out by it, but if it leads to hotter sex, chances are he or she will get over it.

 

So, don’t stop reading, but don’t freak out when the stuff you read doesn’t do anything for you, and don’t freak out when that really does it for you doesn’t make any sense.

You can read the story at The Hartford Currant or The Journal Inquirer. They just keep arresting more people for this. So, here’s the story.

There was a swinger’s party at a hotel in early November. Police officers went undercover to try and bust these people having sex in public. According to the police the swingers were having sex in the bar, while it was open to the public, and lobby of the hotel. According to the party goers it was a private party and any sex involved happened in hotel rooms not the bar and the lobby.

My first question is – Why would you need to go undercover to bust people having sex in public? None of the news stories I have read raise that question, but it seems like the most obvious one to me.

One of the attorneys said, “The police officers that attended had to go through at least four, possibly five steps to attend.” That is a lot of work to gain access to a supposedly public view of people having sex.

My second question is – How do they justify using tax dollars for this kind of operation? Even if they were having sex in a situation that could be technically classified as public, does anyone really care? Does anyone really care about “public” sex that is that hard to gain access to?

They arrested the owner and manager of the hotel, the permit holder of the bar. That part kind of made sense at first, knowing that in some places it is illegal to mix visible genitals with the sale of alcohol. That doesn’t explain the charges, though. They were charged with being accessories to obscenity and public indecency.

Overall, none of it really makes sense. Why are they dragging this out for so long and continuing to arrest people? Why go to trouble of conducting an undercover operation involving police and liquor control agents for something like this? It sounds like someone’s personal crusade or vendetta to me.

I thought about titling this “Bettie Page, We Will Miss You”, but it just didn’t feel right. It’s not that it’s not the truth, but it’s certainly not the whole truth. The Bettie Page that most of us know was frozen in time over 50 years ago and will be with us forever. It seems that is exactly how she wanted it.

The Bettie Page of the 50’s stays fresh and new. The old pictures are still in high demand and circulation, but she is also featured in new art and fiction. Unlike many past beauties and serious role models, Bettie never becomes dated. She continues to inspire younger generations. Her message has timeless meaning, probably because it wasn’t meant to be a message at all. She just WAS in a time when being was completely unacceptable.

I’m sure all Bettie fans have their own reasons for loving her. I like her for many of the obvious reasons; her beauty, the outfits, the “deviant” nature of her work, the comedy, the irony, and of course her timeless sexiness.

I love her because I can relate. She did what she did and it was just the most natural thing for her to do at the time. She wasn’t trying to prove a point or make a statement. She was making a living and having fun at the same time. She had no political agenda and wasn’t doing anything dirty in her eyes, but she was blindsided and treated like a criminal for it. I can relate because I don’t know how many times I have been going about my own business, having fun and just being me, and been accused of something far more sinister, planned and thought out.

There is a beauty that shows through in the fun she has and the lack of agenda. That in itself sends a message and it’s the one that lifts me up when I hear people saying that if a woman is sexy she is trying to screw with people’s heads.

I’m not slamming women who are activists and trying to make a statement, or women who knowingly take risks and put themselves on the line. I do think that Bettie’s way of just being herself has an impact and meaning that can’t be duplicated on purpose, and it speaks to a different part of the soul – the part that rejoices in self expression no matter what form that takes.

For me, Bettie Page will live forever. Everything that I have gained and stand to gain in the future from her existence still exists and will continue to grow. The only thing that I regret is having failed to write to her and let her know how much I appreciate her. All is not lost, though. That realization has moved me to act now and write to those people who I do appreciate and let them know.

Sometimes when I am inspired to write I am compelled by a single image in my mind. Usually something I have imagined rather than something I have seen. Something that seems to hold a story all its own. A story I want to know; to spend time in. Often, getting that image down on paper and building the rest of the story around it is how I work. I have intuitive feelings about the story just from what I see in that image. Sometimes details, sometimes the knowledge is more vague.

The image may be a setting with no visible people. Occasionally, it will be an action – one single frame of a scene. Often it is more of an inner look at one character. That one image in my mind seems to sum up the essence of the character. Other times, I know it is a misleading image and that’s what makes it interesting.

Pursuing that path. Following the story outward in all directions from that single prescriptive image becomes a rich adventure of discovery.

God! It is so subjective! To me it is the look in someone’s eye or the smell of cooking meat. It can be intention, like when a basically bad person acts out of sincere kindness. Or when an act, no matter how easy or difficult, is performed purely to balm another’s soul. Sheer abandon – watching someone so engrossed in their own moment that they see nothing outside of the pure enjoyment of what they are doing, completely oblivious to observers. Or the opposite, someone completely sucking up the attention they know they’re getting, and loving it in a way that is not self-conscious at all.

Nudity? No. It can be sexy, but it can be merely functional. And it can be very awkward. It is not in and of itself sexy. Hell, sex itself is often very far from sexy, when you are an observer. And yet, an interchange between two people all bundled up for winter cold can be very sexy and watching it can make you feel like a voyeur of a most intimate act.

Eating can be sexy, or just downright gross.

Certain manners of dress? They mean nothing. A tank top can be revealing in a sexy way or it might just highlight something you didn’t want to see like dried up deodorant or stretch marks. The same outfit that is sexy on one person, may just reveal the clunkiness and lack of grace in another. Like me in high heels. Standing still, sure that’s sexy. Walking? A fucking train wreck! And then some may find the vulnerability of that kind of train wreck to be sexy in itself.

Sexy is subjective. It is all about what hits that note for each of us individually. When we can see that, accept it, we have a chance to expand. To find the sexiness in things that are meaningful on a personal level, not just look for ways to be accepted as sexy. And when we reach that, we reach everyone. That’s when we just turn on everyone, like it or not. And that can be good or bad, but either way it is powerful.