Finding Your Turn Ons in the Most Unlikely Places
I like reading about sex, new ideas, things to try, even the mechanics and chemistry of sex and arousal. I find it all very interesting and fascinating, and sometimes very useful.
I have also discovered that it can be very frustrating. Sometimes when I come across columns about “what women really want in bed” and I just want to scream “No! No! No!” and I hope and pray that I never wind up in bed with a man who has read and believed this stuff. I have come across the same pieces of advice so often, things that are supposed to be what really does it for women, that I have found myself wondering if there is something wrong with me, especially when I hear real women confirming this information.
What have I learned from this? As much as I like to read about this stuff, sometimes I have to get some distance. I think all that reading is good, and there are definitely some real gems buried in most of the things I have read, but nothing beats quieting all of that thought and just paying attention to yourself.
I mean really throw it all out. Don’t even let yourself think of things in terms of sexual or non-sexual. Just notice how you respond to anything and everything. This is during sex and just during your everyday life.
It is far too easy to try and categorize the sexual and non-sexual aspects of life. As if, we need a barrier to prevent us from getting turned on at the wrong moments, or something to keep all those sexual feelings in their place so that sex is one thing and everything else is definitely not related to sex. So you can say, “that is definitely not sexual, so it’s safe and appropriate for any situation.”
It’s just not true. Anything could be turning anyone on around you at any moment. A fellow grocery shopper may be turned on by the stiff print on her t-shirt rubbing against her nipples. The guy at the table next to you might be turned on by getting his fingers greasy while he eats fried chicken. Know it. Be open to it. Do not be afraid of it.
You could be watching a movie or driving down the road and suddenly find yourself getting turned on by the most unlikely thing. Go with it! It could be anything – a certain part of a song that comes on the radio, a color combination that you notice, or a smell.
In bed, you may find that the thing that really feels good wasn’t even supposed to happen – a clumsy slip of the hand that happened to brush you somewhere it wasn’t meant to, but really got your juices flowing. Go back to that, try it some more, even if it doesn’t seem like something that should be a turn on.
Maybe it is a position that you were just passing through to get where you were really going. Pause there! See if it works.
The point is – pay attention! Notice your reactions, even when they seem out of place. Don’t pass judgment, just follow that feeling. Sure, there is a chance that your partner will find it weird or get freaked out by it, but if it leads to hotter sex, chances are he or she will get over it.
So, don’t stop reading, but don’t freak out when the stuff you read doesn’t do anything for you, and don’t freak out when that really does it for you doesn’t make any sense.